And that’s a very important lesson that I’ve learned growing up. I admit, I used to be one of those kids that asked for more even when I had enough. Wanted this and wanted that, acted like I wasn’t already fortunate to have all the things that I was blessed with. But now that my family and I are going through hard times and hitting that point you call rock bottom where you have almost absolutely nothing, really teaches me how to be thankful and appreciate everything that I still have.
All my life, growing up, I learned to stand on my own to feet and take care of myself. I had no guidance growing up as a kid. Yes, I had a mom and a dad as a baby but they split before I was old enough to know anything. I am proud to say that I am very independent. Growing up, I learned to do everything on my own. I never had any guidance in school or anyone to help me on my homework. I learned to cook and clean on my own. I rarely ever ask family for money, I’d rather make it on my own. Whatever I want, I go and get it by myself. No one’s help is needed.
I learned to embrace my independence and solitude due to the fact that my parents had other priorities other then me. And the thing about me is, I’m not the type to hold a grudge or be angry at someone for not treating me how they’re supposed to and what not. No matter how much I feel like my parents have abandoned and neglected me, I will never hate them or be hostile towards them. It hurts to say, but I lost my mom to gambling and I’ve lost my dad to drugs. For many years now, I have been takin care of myself and doin what I gotta do to get by. But I was still fortunate to have a mother who had some sort of finances to take care of the bigger stuff, like the roof over my head and the car to get to school.
But never did I think we’d ever hit this point where both of my parents have absolutely nothing left. No car, no money, no house. This leaves me in the middle thinking, if both of them have nothing. What the hell do I have?
And then I realized that the only person that can fix this is me. And although this will be one of my biggest obstacles in life, I know I will get through this and make it big someday. Either way I’ve gotta do this on my own, to take care of myself and to take care of my family.
It might seem so hopeless now, but one day I will be proud of myself for making it through all this bullshit life has thrown at me. I’ll stay strong, for the sake of my family and myself.
I want to be with someone who’s ambitious. Someone who has goals and dreams, and he’s confident about his ability to achieve them. I want to be with someone who knows what they want when it comes to their future and their life, and maybe even ours. Someone who knows how to hustle to get that money to take care of the important shit in life, not the unnecessary materialistic things. I just want someone who could take care of themselves, because if they can do that, I wouldn’t have a doubt that they couldn’t take care of me.
Honestly, I could care less about the cute little gestures girls these days ask for from guys. I’m not asking for a guy to bring me flowers and send me cute text messages in the morning and at night. Cause alla that puppy love shit don’t last.
All I really expect from the guy that I’d settle for, is to have his life together. Have his goals set. Have enough ambition to follow his dreams.
I want someone who could be my motivation when I feel like giving up when life gets tough. Someone’s who’s strong, inside and out.
But, s’all good. The hard part was over, and I am relieved to say that it wasn’t so bad. I’m just glad it’s done and over with and I can enjoy my birthday tomorrow with no worries and be stress-free from all the bs that this world may bring :)
Although I haven’t been doing my best and pushing myself to the limit, I made a promise to myself that I will try harder. I won’t let myself go, I know what I need to do to. Everyone tells me that all I got is myself in this life.. And that’s how I know that everything I do in life will either break me or make me. I won’t have any support or help from others. Not even from family. But it’s cool, I can do it. I’ll make it on my own.
I really hate how all this time you’ve been expecting me to read your mind all the time. I feel like you never give me the time of day to explain anything, you always jump to conclusions and think that I don’t care about you when the truth is that I do, a lot. I’ve told you before, I do care, more than you’ll ever think. You don’t even take the time to understand why I’ve been distant lately. You automatically assume that I just don’t care about you anymore and that you’re nothing to me. It’s not even like that at all, it’s just I’ve been stressing and busy with my own life. You never take the time to just hear me out. You always force things upon me, and then you make it seem like everything’s my fault. Idk anymore, you made yourself clear to me this time. You’re just like every other person who just walks away. So selfish of you. But I’ll accept it, I’ve tried to stay in your life because I cared. But I will not chase after you if you are not going to take the time to understand for me. I guess this is it. And please, don’t come back if this is what you really want. Once you’re out, this door is locked.
“I’ve asked about you and they’ve told me things. But my mind didn’t change, I still feel the same. What’s a life without fun? Please don’t be ashamed. I’ve had mine, you’ve had yours. We both know they don’t get you like I do. My only wish is to die real, cause the truth hurts and those lies heal. And you can’t sleep thinking that she lies still, so you cry still, tears all on the pillow case… I’ll be there for you, I’ll care for you.”
If you let me, here’s what I’ll do. I’ll take care of you.
